I’ve felt out of flow recently.  I’m usually buoyant and upbeat and able to chug my way through most obstacles. But I’ve noticed it become more of a struggle these past few weeks.

I don’t know about you, but I try and be cheerful and positive around colleagues.  We all work under a lot of pressure I know most of the time. 

So at the risk of sounding saintly – I put on a smile most of the time. And when I get home, I’ve then time to throw off any OTT blanket and be who I need to be, in my own space.

Well usually I have energy for my own projects and I’m ready to spend a few hours on my own activities ‘after hours’. But not recently. And big hurrah – I stopped myself from uttering a dose of negative small talk. 

Instead I’ve found myself in a strange limbo place.

• I didn’t try to justify why I should – or shouldn’t be active
• I allowed myself time out to just ‘be’ – however that felt right at the time
• I gave up pretending I was fine to push through and work
• I recognised I needed time out to rest and recuperate
• And I stopped pushing my body and brain to work together when they obviously didn’t want to

Of course, when we’re at work, we hope that our body and brain WILL co-exist smoothly and do what we need them to do.

But on home ground I had the luxury of listening to my own inner self.

And I came to realise that that wasn’t in fact a luxury.  Listening to my inner guidance and responding to it was actually a necessity.

I learned that the more I rested during this period, the better I would be long term.

I’d come to know my patterns.  I can go full pelt for weeks and then need time to recoup. And that refresh time can be anything from an evening to a week of evenings just for myself.

So during this period I learnt to shut down external stuff from around 8pm – or before. 

I got to rest more, read a novel, just close my eyes, turn off the distractions, pull the curtains and shut out the day.

You may think this is being a hermit, and surely we need stimulation?

But really I knew I needed to reset things.  When we keep giving out we need to re-stock the well.

Now that might come from reading, from mulling over, from talking. Or it may just need subconscious sifting time.  To let my thoughts re assemble themselves.

And I’ve learned to trust that I can’t predict how long this will take. And when I’ll be back on form again.

Of course, when there are things to be done, we can push through and ‘perform’ but are we always ‘present’.

I knew I hadn’t been present all the time. And I know I’m not good in heat.  When I can’t cool down I find tasks wearying.

At work, I work without the lights on.  I’m forever turning the lights off (think global warning and criticised for being a mole).

But that’s preferable to me to sitting under strip lights in full daylight.

I don’t like the radio on either when I’m in brain mode.  It’s distracting and I question anyone who finds it otherwise (in fact it created a full scale war once with one colleague – who later came to put in ear buds when she saw me coming!)

The point is – we all need to do less sometimes. And when we do, we’re better all round.

So watch out for your body and brain telling you to slow it down.

Listen to any small talk urging you to do less, in order to ‘be’ more.

No point showing up (at Mindfulness asks us to) if we’re bone tired and not functioning.

Yes, you might look like you’re opting out for a while, but it’s really you opting in to investment in your own wellbeing.

And that’s a present we could all give ourselves.